Janine Warrington - 2015 Cast

September 9, 2015

You know, I’ll bet Miriam’s encounter with Pharaoh’s daughter was very formative. Imagine a Hebrew girl approaching Egyptian royalty – I imagine that’s an offense punishable by death. But not only did Pharaoh’s daughter not condemn Miriam – she listened to her. That must have been so empowering! And I’m sure Miriam thought of this often later on in life when she became a leader of her people.

I really like Pharaoh’s daughter.

September 15, 2015

I’m struggling with my role in WSV. Miriam is supposed to represent confidence, which is great – but the word “confidence” has this implication of an inherent feeling one has. The Webster’s definition is even “a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something; the feeling of being certain that something will happen or something is true.”

Where does this “feeling or belief” come from? Yesterday’s Socratic club meeting was about the epistemology of belief – where does belief come from? The conclusion put forth by Dr. Calhoun was that it’s a combination of evidence and will. But we can only will ourselves to believe so much. So I can’t willingly push aside my debilitating self-doubt when it strikes.

So I need to think of “confidence” in a similar frame as “courage.” As courage is not the absence of fear, but the choice to move forward despite fear, so too confidence is not the absence of doubt, but the choice to move forward despite doubt.

Really – think about it! There’s NO WAY Miriam had unwavering faith in herself all the time. She lived in tumultuous times and completely invested in the mysterious and unpredictable God of the Hebrews. Not to mention she was the first female prophet – and being the first ANYTHING is bound to come with daunting questions!

September 15, 2015 (later entry)

Being Miriam is such a vulnerable experience.

“God sent a woman – me – to lead God’s people.”

Every time I say that line, I lose it. Because I want it to be true.

The lines “Even when others lacked faith in my abilities and worth, I was confident – I persevered,” feel wrong to me. Not only because I am an increasingly unconfident person, but also because it’s so self-oriented. There’s no God acknowledgment – which I feel like Miriam would make. It seems like it should read, “Even when others – even when I lacked faith in my abilities and worth, God was confident, and we persevered.” 

God, I lift this project to you. Be glorified. And help me remember to turn to you first, rather than making assumptions about Your Story. Amen

October 30, 2015

My memories of post-show discussions:

Question: How have the roles influenced the actresses?

Answer: For me, Miriam is a very vulnerable role. When I say, “God called a woman – me – to lead God’s people,” that’s not Miriam talking. That’s me. I want to be a pastor after I graduate, and society has a hard time accepting that.

Question: What do you think the significance of the theme of suffering in the script is?

Answer: The ancient belief was that if you prospered, it was because God favored you. These women suffered, so clearly, God had a problem with them. And yet, these stories show us that yes, these women suffered and they came out stronger because of it because God was with them in the suffering.

October 30, 2015 (later entry)

From the moment Kathleen told me that we would be doing this show, I was counting down the days until auditions. When I saw my name on the cast list on the first week of school, I read the list again to make sure. And then one more time. And then I walked back to work with my head high and my grin immovable. Why was I so enthralled with this script from the get-go? Because it’s the Bible! It’s stories from God’s love letter to me. And it’s the parts that people don’t get to hear. 

Learning about the tradition of Midrash has been a great experience for me since it is a tradition I have long been indulging in without realizing it. Pastors do this all the time – we extrapolate from the information in the text to create a full narrative. And when stories are told this way I realize – that could have been me!

That’s it, isn’t it? Like Dr. Pat McCormick says in Character, Choices and Community, stories are powerful because of their empathetic abilities. They allow me to become somebody else, to understand their situation. That’s what Jesus Christ Superstar is all about! Understanding where Judas was coming from. And when Midrash transforms Judas from an evil archetype into a human being, it’s powerful. And it’s terrifying.

So taking it to the next level – allowing yourself to really walk through the story of the character – is even more powerful. When I read the script I might have thought, “Now I can see what Miriam went through. There’s so much about her I never knew or thought about.” But then I mediate on that script for weeks. I learn the words. I speak the words. I apply the words to my own life. I feel ever so slightly what it might have really been to be there when the waters parted or when she was struck with leprosy and cast out of community or when the Pharaoh’s daughter said, “that’s a good idea, little girl.”

So now that the show is over, what have I gained? Well, honestly, confidence. Yes, it’s ironic that I was given the character who in many ways was just like me – big sister, determined, caregiver, frustrated over injustice, called to lead God’s people – but who represented that thing which I wrestle with daily – confidence. And as I became Miriam, I really did become Miriam. Maybe this is thanks in part to the narrative style of the script. Unlike in realist plays when I would be the character before stepping foot on stage until after the final curtain falls, this time I was myself telling a story. I lived in this in-between world for an hour each night where I was simultaneously myself and living in biblical stories. And this allowed for the spirit of Miriam to really become a part of me.

This happened really powerfully on the night when I realized that Miriam was in heaven watching me perform her story. As I write this, I can feel her watching me again, and I think she’s smiling. And someday I’m going to sit down with Miriam and say, “what was it really like?” And I look forward to that day.